Saturday, February 03, 2007

Time's Almost Up Tyrant

Castro says he and Cuba are just fine

But socialism’s a complete waste of time

So God please let him die fast

This bearded pain in the ass

No Fidel will be just divine

Friday, February 02, 2007

Happily Married Man

Happily Married Man

Attention Cuban gentlemen in Cuba who have reached the age of legal consent. Never underestimate the benefits of a comfortable married life. Tomas Estrada-Palma has now been married more than 20 years with no negative side-effects. As a single man I was heading south fast and would clearly have been dead by now at the hands of my own wretched excess if not for my wife’s wisdom.

I always look for win/win situations. For example, in Cuba men lead a dreary dull life of privation where romance is difficult at best. In Washington, DC there is a large deficit of eligible men especially over 45 in relation to single women. And look here guys…these are some really hot looking ladies who work at high paying jobs and own their own homes too. What they are looking for, number one, is a REAL man. Let’s see – hot Latino dude in Havana…it could work! Washington, DC has a large gay population so this cuts the lady’s chances even further. There’s lots of false advertising by really good looking men who aren’t really looking – for a lady. The women want a man who looks good and watches his weight. Hell, gentlemen…in Havana Fidel has done that for you! I don’t see many Cuban fatso's down there (except in high government positions) and that’s just fine with the ladies here. Besides being a man motivated in the bedroom, the Washington lady is looking for a man who can be helpful around the house. We all know Cuban men do incredible things to get by in socialist deprived Cuba. Cubanos, the second you say “I do” you WILL have your choice of 10 Home Depots within a five square mile area that carry virtually EVERYTHING imaginable for home repairs. Plus, not only will you get off on doing the shopping in stores stocked with more food than you have ever seen in your entire life, I feel certain that you will also take out the garbage for the little lady just to make sure nothing important gets thrown out. Old habits die hard! However, please don’t underestimate the importance of these two tasks to American ladies. As it is now they can’t find a single man to do these tasks and it is a bone of contention, believe you me, right up there with felony leaving the toilet seat up. Finally, the American woman is desperate for a man who can fix her car. The Cuban man as we know is a desperate man for a car to fix!

Do you see where I’m going gentlemen? Sure I’ll admit that this is really just another clever, sneaky ploy on my part to undermine the Castro boys' grip on Cuba. But who cares when love is in the air? Valentine’s Day fast approaches. Use the Massage function to the right to advertise for a lady. Any Cuban gentlemen who does so will be put in touch with Washington women. All I expect for this personal service is for a few of your kids to be named “Tomas.” Is that too much to ask?

Tomás Estrada-Palma

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Instant message

Instant Message

I wonder? If someone from Cuba went to my blog now would they be able to instant message me without getting caught? Help me computer people...

Tomás Estrada-Palma

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Tyranny No! Liberty Si...

Hitler No! - Jesus Si…

Castro No! - Marti Si…

Stalin No! - Thoreau Si…

Mao No! - Jefferson Si…

Saddam No! - Mother Theresa Si…

Hugo No! - Mahatma Si…

Tyranny No! - Liberty Si…

Fidel is Dead

Fidel is Dead

Relax people…he’s a walking cadaver. Fidel is using all his waking efforts to stave off death – not micromanage the country. His underlings for some reason are not responding to our attacks on Fidel. Why? Could it be that they agree with us and hope for what we offer them? Could it be that Fidel has not seen our attacks at all? Is he being pacified by his handlers? Even the mainstream media is now attacking Castro and warning about the same horrible fate awaiting Venezuela. The very top guys haven’t a clue what to do other than use Fidel’s image to delay the inevitable and to get you guys feeling down. Don’t let them do this!

Enjoy this time Cubanos. This is our time. We are well into the beginning of the end of the Castro boy’s days ruling over Cuba. And we are on the cusp of changing Cuba for the better.

Tomás Estrada-Palma

Monday, January 29, 2007

Cuban Exposed

Sorry there was no live show button last night. There was some Blogtalk glitch. But you can download the show by clicking on the above Show Icon.

Cuban Expertise

Sorry there was no live show button last night. There was some Blogtalk glitch. But you can download the show by clicking on the above Show Icon.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

A Plan of Attack!

A Plan of Attack!
All we must really do effectively is employ a counter-marketing campaign using the Internet to separate the junta from any support in the world community. We push the fact that Cuba is a plantation complete with slaves both black and white. These slaves are forced to work virtually for free considering the average monthly wage of around 20 bucks (actually Maria C. Werlau corrects my figures and informs me the average is actually $14) is a cruel joke since it is in pesos which can't be used to buy anything that's actually available. We must let people know in calm rational terms that when a Cuban slave does not do as he or she is ordered by the master then the slave gets beaten just like pre-civil war America. Likewise, a percentage of slaves are murdered to strike fear in the millions of surviving slaves. When Canadians, Europeans and God forbid, Americans, vacation in Cuba we must remind them that the vast majority of Cuban slaves are forbidden to leave their plantation whether that's in the fields, offices or the shanties in which they exist. While the tourist lounges in exclusive luxury the Cuban slaves barely survives in filthy squalor and suffer the normal effects of this poor, unsanitary living such as dengue fever outbreaks and malnutrition. We should tell tourists that if they must go then they should bring cell phones, laptops and other electronics to just give away to Cuban slaves as compensation for supporting Cuban slave tourist apartheid Finally, we must send warnings to companies that do business with Cuba that they are financing the slave trade. Remind them that this slave traffic will not stand forever and once the Cuban people free themselves from their chains we will remember who helped put those chains in place. There is a great deal of anger on the streets in Cuba about this unfair scheme and when change occurs it is very possible these apartheid investments will be destroyed by the freed slaves in a fit of rage. Cuba under free minds, free markets and free movements will be an incredibly profitable place to do business. But anyone doing business with the Castro boys will be banned forever from being permitted to do business with a free Cuba. We should make exception for those companies that divest in Cuba right now. We are warning you today to stop beating Cuban slaves, propping up Castro's plantation and killing Cubans.
Tomas Estrada-Palma

Don Tomás & Hoppy

This picture sent to me by Maria is among hundreds of photos that used to be in my grandfather's 2 sea trunks. I'm pretty sure this picture is misidentified as my father but he never wore those ice cream suits with the white hat - Hoppy did. So I'm relatively sure this is Hoppy but the face is too far away to be certain.

Tomás Estrada-Palma