An Opinion

An Opinion

An opinion doesn’t leave a bruise. An opinion doesn’t draw blood. An opinion doesn’t break bones. In the millions of years our species has existed this has always been true. Sticks and stones at the hands of men cause these sorts of injuries. Words might hurt your feelings, insult or challenge long held beliefs – but names will never harm you.

So what is your thinking, Havanaban, in imprisoning and torturing your fellow citizens for merely voicing an opinion? It clearly shows the pure evil in your nature. Instead of expressing a counter opinion, which you surely cannot possess, you take the route of the baboon and pick up a stick. You beat and jail those who do not believe as you believe. I am not afraid of your opinion so why are you so cowardly and timid of the opinion of others?

Havanaban this also demonstrates pure ignorance of the information age. You could have just let these journalists live at home and continue to use your secret police to keep an eye on them. BUT Noooooooooooooo! You and the rest of your troop of primates get yourselves all worked up into a lather to justify the unjust then commit these evil crimes against humanity. So until you let those poor journalists go home we’re going to keep complaining about it. Take it from me – this is bad P.R. You don’t need this aggravation. One of these humans is going to die soon if you don’t let them go and then you’ve got a martyr on your hands. Haven’t you shot your public image in the foot long enough? Do you like being called the Havanaban?

You’ve also saddled your wagon to a nut like Chavez just for some oil. Heck! You guys have plenty of oil and I know some guys up here that would be glad to extract it for you in an environmentally friendly way as long as all the Cuban public gets their fair share and not just the Havanaban. Why go through this aggravation? Now public opinion widely believes Chavez is crazy. Do you want to be associated with a nut? Cut your ties with this fool now and let those journalists go. Associating with a fool and meting out barbaric treatment for expressing opinions is just not good policy. It is terrible for your image. It makes guys like me want to bring you down more not less. You must know that when it is your turn to die you will be remembered for evil. You will be put into the Hitler historical column and those who suffered under your torture in the Gandhi column. They will be remembered as saints and you as stains. And I know you young Havanaban think you are going to live forever but take it from Fidel – you’re not. Remember, Fidel assured you only a couple of months ago that he would live to be 120 but we know that was a lie now. Your lives may be shorter than you think. You sit on a powder keg whose fuse was always blow out by Fidel’s big mouth. But Fidel is quiet now. Every dog has his day. You should be trying to build a society that creates enough wealth to put an end to things like dengue fever instead of this foolishness. Let those journalists go now for God’s sake. If you do I promise I will immediately stop efforts to ruin this year’s tourist season for you. I will not blog any further stories like tomorrows blog. Can we make a deal?

Tomas Estrada-Palma

Stop the Havanaban!

Stop the Havanaban!

There is this belief that is widely accepted here in America that would be laughable if it were not so serious. The misconception is that Cubans on the island are happy, contented people in love with socialism. But we know differently now don’t we? We know that each day brings more misery and want. To just survive you must swipe anything that’s not nailed down and…no, actually you swipe stuff that IS nailed down too. I am amazed at the Cuban innovative spirit to survive personally using wits, chicken wire and bubble gum. You have been legally forbidden to use that clever ability to better your life. You have suffered in silence too long.

Now I open the pages of this blog to vent your pain and anger to America so they will understand. For, besides this blog actively searching for those who will defeat the Havanaban, it is also a device for you to tell your story. Email me at stopthehavanaban@yahoo.com and tell my readers of the abuse and stupidity that you endure each day. It will take you five minutes to setup a false identity yahoo account to email me at stopthehavanaban@yahoo.com. I will not compromise you or give facts that will identify you. I won’t email you back unless you want me to do so and I’ll use another computer to do that. Just give me a fake code name like “Mary Quite Contrary” so when I’m reporting your story you will know it is you. Write in Spanish if you prefer. I’ll translate it into English for you. It’s good practice for me anyhow.

I believe that the more communications that we set up between us the better we will understand each other. So please tell me your communist ministry story. Let me feel your pain. Look, I hate even going to the Motor Vehicle Administration to renew my driver’s license once every five years. I can’t even begin to know what you must be going through. Please tell me.

Tomas Estrada-Palma

Chavez the Nutty Repressor

Chavez the Nutty Repressor

Is that Chavez nutty or what? He claims that George Bush is the devil himself. I’m not fond of many of Bush’s policies, especially foreign, but to put him in the league of the devil gives George far too much credit for the damage little tin-horn tyrants like Chavez foist upon their own people. He claims he even still smelled sulfur but being that he was the first to notice - the common scientific assumption is – “it was he that smelled it what laid that rotten egg.”

Let’s look at facts. Chavez condemning poverty is as hypocritical as Hugo chastising Dumbo the elephant for having big funny ears. Most poverty is caused by resource mismanagement, in leftist countries and land monopoly in capitalist countries. Both need to be exposed for what they are – a plague on humanity. Clearly, the leftist nations who try to micromanage all production, including “human resources” (God I despise that term) lose out big-time to the capitalist nations. Still I will admit that we do have some poverty here but it is easily correctable.

It is a basic matter of rearranging our tax and subsidy priorities. To put it simply – tax the bad, subsidize or leave alone altogether the good. Primarily among the good is the home! The home must be tax free. The reason the caveman could support a family with primitive technology and 21st Century societies have many beggars in the streets is – they had a cave. Often here in the developed countries one class of people pays rent to another class of usually richer people who get the tax break not the renter. Plus the renter pays income tax – a form of slavery since it confiscates one’s labor, to support the mechanisms that maintain this unfairness. Start by slowly eliminating all tax from society in the west or all at once in places like Cuba. Slowly raise the location value tax on the land itself and marvel at how the standard of living soars and the need for government shrinks. Add to this mix tax on vice, a resource depletion tax payable as a dividend to all citizen like in Alaska and you have a healthy functioning society in balance economically speaking.

So as I’ve clearly demonstrated how to eliminate most world poverty, you earthlings in Venezuela should immediately vote Chavez out of office as he will pave your streets with the Cuban model of fear, poverty and misery. Brazilians should vote against Lulu next then Morales in Bolivia. Elect politicians at your earliest opportunity who will reform your tax laws to force land reform and eliminate land hoarding for profit. Read Progreso y Miseria on my other blog to become familiar with the plan then run for office yourself on the platform. The world is counting on you there. I’m doing all that I can here in America but the two parties have a ballot access apartheid system that keeps other parties off the ballot. So most Americans don’t even bother to vote. Change will be hard to come by here rapidly. But if you reform your economic approach we will have no choice but to follow your lead or fall farther and farther behind you.

Think about it. The best revenge is success. If you really hate us that much why not be successful and adopt a wise, enlightened approach to governing? Then your hate for us might even turn into pity for us for living substandard to you.

Tomas Estrada-Palma

An Interview With Kofi Annan

An Interview With Kofi Annan

Tomas:
Good day Mr. Secretary General.

Kofi Annan:
Good day to you as well Tomas. Thank you for having me here.

Tomas:
Mr. Secretary General, how was your trip to Cuba?

Kofi Annan:
Oh I must say it was quite nice. The food was absolutely incredible. Really 5-star. The Presidential Hotel can actually whip up a nice lobster with truffle sauce – I must say.

Tomas:
Yes, that’s interesting Mr. Secretary General but I wanted to speak about some more serious issues today.

Kofi Annan:
Well yes of course I’d be happy to address these questions as well. It is true there is casino gambling now in Cuba and even some prostitution but it is kept at a tasteful level you see. But the people are forbidden to engage in these endeavors so I’ve been told it does not compromise their revolution here. But on the positive side the rates are very, very cheap or ah…this is what I have been told…I may have heard around the office by some of the single fellows you know. Ha, ha, ha.

Tomas:
I see Mr. Secretary but I was wondering why you did not meet with any of the Cuban dissidents here on the island or their family members?

Kofi Annan:
That’s an odd question for a travel magazine to ask. What was the name of your publication again?

Tomas:
No Mr. Annan, I’m not from a travel magazine. I’m related to Don Tomas the first...

Kofi Annan:
That’s it! Don Tomas…that’s the name of your magazine. I recall now my secretary mentioning it to me in her memo. Don Tomas, something to do with Latin American tourism right?

Tomas:

No ah. No sir, Mr. Secretary General. Don Tomas Estrada-Palma was the first president of Cuba.

Kofi Annan:

Then why did they name a magazine after him?

Tomas:

No sir they didn’t. He was my great grandfather. I have an online blog.

Kofi Annan:
Ahhhh! I see! I see! And that is why they probably call you Tomas.

Tomas:
Yes Mr. Secretary…that’s correct. But about the dissidents?

Kofi Annan:
Yes, yes they were on my agenda to pay my respects. Like my secretary which I will do likewise once I get back to my office in New York!!! So you are not with any travel magazine then?

Tomas:
No sir. But about the dissidents. You say they were on your agenda but still you did not visit them. Why sir?

Kofi Annan:
Well you must realize that I have a very tight agenda you know. In fact I am running a bit late for my hair appointments. If you are not with the magazine then I probably will not be getting any frequent flyer mile for this interview?

Tomas:
That’s correct sir. I don't have any frequent flyer miles to give you.

Kofi Annan:
Dammit to hell! I am going to kill that secretary of mine! What a pea brain she has. Sure! An excellent rear end but the brain cannot be larger than a pea. A little green pea!

Tomas:
About the dissidents Mr. Secretary?

Kofi Annan:
Oh yes, yes, yes. ..the dissidents. As I said I had planned to go. But my car is in the shop. And you know how hard it is to get parts here in Havana. They have to be hand made evidently. I believe it is some sort of custom here. Very quaint isn’t it? Just like my secretary, quaint with very succulent breasts BUT NO BRAIN!!!

Tomas:
I’m sorry about that Mr. Secretary but dissidents are tortured, starved, denied medication and forced to live in squalor. Couldn’t you have set aside a little time for them? You visited Fidel for an hour and he can’t even talk properly now.

Kofi Annan:
Yes, yes but beside my car being in the shop I got ah……some ah….athletes foot! Yes sir Tomas. Athletes’ foot. It’s aggravated by the humidity here you know?

Tomas:
But these poor prisoners have only expressed opinions and never harmed anyone. You couldn’t even spare a few minutes with them?

Kofi Annan:
I really wanted to but this is a particularly aggressive strain of athletes’ foot. I’m afraid if I would have walked on it…it might have turned septic – gangrenous even! So as you can see Tomas…how would it look then.

Tomas:
I suppose you would look pretty lame.

Kofi Annan:
Exactly Tomas now I must be off for that hair appointment.

May 20th, 2006 Picture

Forgotten Moments In History

Forgotten Moments In History

As it is not widely known I feel compelled to report to Cubans everywhere that back at an earlier age Fidel could talk and was a more intimidating figure than currently in his stroke muted state. But this is widely known and not the topic of today’s discovery. Only now has it been determined that Raul developed an uncontrollable stammer whenever in the presence of his older brother. His stuttering really bugged Fidel as well - it has been established.

In fact, on one occasion when the two brothers strolled down a street in Havana just after taking over from Batista, Fidel was marveling at how communism would soon pave the streets with gold. But Raul, not being a philosopher or a great speaker, still wanted to converse with big brother and make some small talk - even with his speech impediment. “Hhh Hey hey Fi Fi Fi Fa da del…da da did ya ya ya you sa sa sa se see tha tha tha that ma ma ma Mercedes Benz wa wa wa with that ha the di di diplomatic plates?” Of course by this time the limo had turned the corner and disappeared from view. “NO!” an annoyed Fidel growled. But Raul refused to give up bonding with his brother and said, “Hhh Hey hey Fi Fi Fi Fa da del…da da did ya ya ya you sa sa sa se see tha tha tha that bi bi big ba beautiful ba ba blond wi with that ha the bi big ba ba ba ba ba breast?” Again the chica had stepped into a building out of sight. Again Fidel snapped, “No!” After walking a bit more Raul says “Hhh Hey hey Fi Fi Fi Fa da del…da da did ya ya ya you sa sa sa se see tha tha tha…” But an annoyed Fidel interrupts and screams, “YES!” So Raul says, “Wha wha wha’d ya step in it for?”

This moment in forgotten history has been brought to you by Tomas Estrada-Palma!

An Interview with Hugo Chavez

An Interview with Hugo Chavez

Tomas:

Good evening Presidente.

Chavez:

Hola Tomas.

Tomas:

Presidente, you have been meeting with Commendante Fidel at the meeting of the non-aligned nations. Are you at liberty to discuss your conversations with Fidel?

Chavez:

Discuss? Me? Discussions? Ah yeah right…discussions. Right, discussions! Sure we had, ah some discussions. Sure…that’s the ticket! We had discussions. We discussed. Why just the other day Fidel discussed with me. Yeah…that’s the ticket! We discussed!

Tomas:

Yes Presidente, go on please.

Chavez:

Hola Tomas.

Tomas:

No Presidente…I was hopeful you might tell my readers WHAT you and Fidel discussed.

Chavez:

What? What did we discuss?

Tomas:

Yes Presidente…what did you and Fidel discuss? I was hoping you might tell me.

Chavez:

Yes. What did we discuss? Oh! What did WE discuss! Why we discussed ah, world affairs. Yeah…that’s the ticket! World affairs! We discussed the affairs of the world. That’s the ticket!

Tomas:

Could you be a bit more specific Presidente?

Chavez:

Specific? Oh yes! Ah we talked about ah…specifically ah…nominating Fidel for Presidente…of the world. Yes, that’s the ticket! Presidente of the world. The whole world. Why I was specifically discussing that Fidel should be Presidente of the whole world. Yeah. That’s the ticket. But then Fidel says to me he says…ah. “No Hugo. You should be Presidente of the world.”

Tomas:

You’re saying Fidel nominated you for Presidente of the world?

Chavez:

He did? Ah, yes! Why sure he did! That’s the ticket. Presidente of the world. Me Hugo Chavez – Presidente of the whole world! That’s the ticket!

Tomas:

Well moving forward Presidente…can you discuss Fidel’s health?

Chavez:

Can I discuss Fidel’s health? Fidel’s healthy? Oh sure! FIDEL’S health! Why ah…yes. Fidel’s health. Sure he’s ah…healthy. Yeah, that’s the ticket! Fidel IS healthy. That’s the ticket.

Tomas:

Could you elaborate a bit more Presidente?

Chavez:

Hola Tomas.

Tomas:

About Fidel’s health, Presidente?

Chavez:

What? Oh health…right! Health…Fidel’s health. Why he’s healthy of course. Very healthy…up and walking around. Walking…no actually he’s running now. Yeah…that’s the ticket…running! Why he’s even running marathons now. Running marathons. He just broke the world record running a marathon…ah, until I ran a marathon then I broke the world record. Then Fidel said to me he said ah, he said ah, “Hugo! Very good marathon. You are the fastest marathon runner in the whole world. In the whole world.” Yeah that’s what he said. The whole world. Yeah! That’s the ticket!

Tomas:

You say Fidel has no difficulty talking now?

Chavez:

He doesn’t…Fidel? Oh! No…Fidel. No! Why he talks just fine. Yeah that’s the ticket! Talks just fine. Just jabbering away that Fidel. Why, he even sings. In fact, he sings opera. Yeah! That’s the ticket…opera! Fidel is an opera singer. That’s the ticket!

Tomas:

Opera singer? Fidel?

Chavez:

Certainly! I assure you of this fact. Why he’s even going to perform an opera. It’s ah…a one man opera starring Fidel. No wait! It’s actually a two man opera starring Fidel AND me. Yeah that’s the ticket. Me and Fidel singing opera! In Rome. Yeah that’s the ticket. Me and Fidel singing opera in Rome…for the Pope. In Rome…that’s the ticket! In Rome for the Pope.

Tomas:

So you are denying Fidel has brain damage from a stroke causing him to lose his speaking ability?

Chavez:

I am? Me? Ah…yes! I AM! I deny it. Yes…that’s the ticket.

Tomas:

And you can state with confidence that Fidel is not dying from cancer?

Chavez:

Cancer? Dying? Oh…Fidel. Why that’s ridiculous! He’s not dying. But he told me that if he ever dies he wants me to be in charge of the revolution. Yeah…that’s the ticket! Me…in charge of the revolution. And Cuba too! Fidel was just saying to me the other day he was saying, he says, “Hugo…when I die I want you to be Presidente of Cuba.” Me…the Presidente of Venezuela and Cuba. Yeah! That’s the ticket! Presidente of Cuba!

Tomas:

Thank you Presidente for your responses to my questions.

Chavez:

It was my pleasure! Why anytime you want an answer to a question why just ask me. That’s the ticket. Just ask me.