Saturday, September 30, 2006

Remember Nicolae Ceaucescu

Remember Nicolae Ceaucescu

Havanaban you have been warned that one plague after another would rain down on you. Now it’s the Ñico López oil refinery fire. Why have you not announced how the CIA or the hard working Cubans you exiled to the US conspired to set it ablaze? Was it fire flies secretly trained by the CIA sent over the ninety miles of the Florida Straits under cover of daylight that started the fire? Perhaps before striking they had a rendezvous with the CIA trained mosquitoes spreading dengue? Is there no calamity your incompetence causes that you won’t blame on someone else?

Let our people go! Let them go now! You greedy Havanaban jailers have imprisoned and enslave 11 million of our people for 47 years. You believe it will go on forever. It cannot! Will this fire reduce your fuel for the electric generators? Will the lights go out at night on the streets? Will the angry prisoners of your island gulag roam the darkened streets burning the homes of each and every one of your neighborhood spies? Will they turn on you enraged by 47 years of oppression and rip you into lifeless carcasses? You must surely know they will and very soon I expect. You have already overstayed your welcome. Get smart and leave right away. Exile yourselves and your families tonight. If you wait until tomorrow it could be too late. Take your ill-gotten greedy booty stolen from the poor Cuban people and flee. Everyday that you wait could be your last. Remember Nicolae Ceaucescu in Romania. He was in total control and was said to be the all enlightened beloved leader of his people. He, like you Havanaban elitists in your ivory towers, believed that baloney. But the angry oppressed mob killed him and his wife in the street like they were stray dogs. That is your fate. You will be murdered in the streets of your island jail by the former prisoners because once they have killed you they are home free - literally.

So keep trying to put out the fires and fix the coming plagues. But they will be too many and overwhelm you soon. You can continue to believe your own lies that the people love you. They hate you! They pray to God for your death everyday while they tip their hat to you politely in the street. But they despise you and will kill you the second the opportunity arises if you do not leave. This is your second warning. Leave Cuba now. We will clean up your mess and set Cuba on the path to peace, prosperity and happiness.

Tomás Estrada-Palma

Friday, September 29, 2006

Dengue Disco

Dengue Fever

(To the music of the disco tune "Boogie Fever")

Dengue fever, got to spray herself down
Dengue fever, Fidel's mosquito’s in town

Travelers to Havana they should know
don't get bitten by the mosquito
Please bring plenty of Havana cologne
Spray can of RAID is how it is known

She's got the Dengue Fever
She's throwing up now
Dengue Fever
It's still going around

She took another famous aspirin treatment
her fever's getting high
She put a cool rag on her forehead
Thinkin' she's goin' to die


(All night long, she did the up, up, chuck)
Yes she did, yes she did, yes she did, yeah.
(She's dry heaving along) doin' the up, up, chuck)

She called the doctor on the telephone
Said Doctor, Doctor, please
She's got this bleeding
and a queasy feeling
tell me, what can it be, is it dengue disease?

They call it dengue fever
You got to be throwin' up now
Dengue fever, much longer she won't be around

(All night long, she did the up, up, chuck)
Yes she did, yes she did, yes she did, yeah.
(She's dry heaving along) doin’ the up, up, chuck)

Everybody's got the dengue fever
In Havana right now
Dengue fever, I know it's going around

We got the dengue Fever
We got the dengue Fever
Everybody better get out of town

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Thank the French

Thank the French

I was wondering why this terrible mess in Cuba happened to Cubans in the first place. Why not the French? But then I realized that the beginnings of this same sort of thing did happen to the French. But when France began steering left it didn’t take too long to see that this thing wasn’t going to work there. Right up till today they are still trying to steer in another direction away from statism but don’t have enough voters who will pull the wheel in another direction. This is because the French are experts at exploiting all aspects of state control. They hop the turnstiles of the Metro rather than part with their francs. The French evidently are born with a genetic ability to jimmy any state-owned pay phone to converse anywhere in the world – all for a few centimes. However, the higher up the economic ladder you sit, the less you can escape the tax bite. Doctors in their socialized medical system get hammered so most would just as soon practice elsewhere. But the majority still vote to swipe the MD’s wages through government control. The French government is propping up financially all sorts of industries because the average French worker doesn’t do too much work. That’s because it is so difficult and expensive to fire someone in France. To sum it up, the French do not suffer oppressors easily. The majority has turned the tables and rudely demanded, “Their rights!” Evidently the French have a right to housing, food, clothing, entertainment, good wine and cheese, etc. Because of this statist approach they cannot create any new jobs and now have untold numbers of young people who cannot find decent work. They live on the edge from government handout and they seethe with anger. Everyone has seen the recent violence on the television news.

Then I realized that Cubans on the other hand are the sweetest people on the earth. They will give you the shirt off of their backs if you are in need. They are very family and friend oriented. In fact, if there ever was a more agreeable nation of people, I have yet to meet them. So if communism would work anyplace it would be in Cuba. But it has failed miserably. It has caused the nation to decline drastically. Despite all of the equality rhetoric, today there are two classes of people – the communist elite who live like kings and everybody else who struggle just to put food on the table and have electric and fresh water. But still the island Cubans go along with this cruel unfairness with stoic politeness and good manners. But Cubans also possess a bad temper when they have had enough disrespect. If eleven million Cubans at one time decide that they have been disrespected by their criminal government long enough then those tyrants are history.

I believe perhaps that times draws near in convergence with Fidel’s impending death. The last pictures of Fidel he looked more and more like a skeleton. His attempt to smile could not disguise his pain. Once Fidel is dead I believe the island populace will not be so sweet and forgiving. Something will trigger an explosion of pent up anger. Perhaps it will be during Fidel’s funeral? Is the junta going to permit millions of Cubans to come to Havana all at once to pay their respects? The junta must know that if they permit this citizen army to gather in these large numbers in Havana they will be powerless to control them. This is the dilemma the Havanaban faces in the near future.

Tomas Estrada-Palma

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Forgotten Moments in History

Forgotten Moments in History

When the former Soviet Union collapsed, depriving Castro of the subsidies that propped up his centrally mismanaged regime, Fidel was desperately searching for schemes to bring in hard currency. Realizing how gullible the leftist elite in the Western democracies were, he hatched a plan to get these Fidel lovers to put money in the Bank of Cuba. The Bank of Cuba couldn’t afford to pay any real interest. So Fidel offered to have lunch in the Grand Ballroom of the Presidential Hotel in Havana, Cuba with anyone who would deposit at least 1 million dollars in the Bank of Cuba.

Not long after he announced this offer Fidel received a phone call from his old pal Chavez in Venezuela who wasn’t president then. Chavez says he had no real money himself but his little brother had some money that he needed to put somewhere that he won gambling. So an appreciative Fidel thanks his old buddy and arranged to meet with Chavez’s little brother. Sure enough little Chavez deposits 1 million dollars in the Bank of Cuba and is having his lunch with Castro in the Grand Ballroom of the Presidential Hotel.

Fidel trying to make conversation says, “Hey chico…so you’re a gambler are you? What do you like to do, cards, the horse races, casinos? You know we have some of those things right here in Havana if you’d like to try your luck?” Little Chavez laughs and say, “No, no, no thank you. I don’t like my odds with those endeavors. They favor the house. No…I prefer to make bets.” Fidel’s curiosity has been piqued now. “Bets.” Fidel inquires a bit confused. “What do you mean bets?” Chavez replies blandly, “You know…like for example I’d bet you that you had 3 testículos.” A shocked Fidel asks, “You’d bet me that I have 3 testículos?” A confident little Chavez exclaims, “I’ll bet you $25,000 you have 3 testiculos.” Fidel thrusts his hand forward and shakes in agreement before little Chavez can change his offer. “It’s a bet. But I don’t have 25 G’s here in my wallet.” Fidel realizes. “Heck, me neither.” Replies little Chavez who picks up his cell phone and goes in a corner to speak privately. “What’s up?” Asked Fidel upon his return to the table. He replies, “I just called Hugo and told him to bring me $25,000 in cash because I didn’t want to take money out from the Bank of Cuba that I just deposited.” Fidel smiles and says, “Good, good thinking! I’ll call Raul and have him bring be 25 G’s as well.”

So the two men sit there for several hours drinking and laughing until their two brother’s show up in Hugo Chavez’s limo outside which is announced to the two drinkers in the hotel. So Fidel stands up a bit drunk and say unbuckling his trousers, “I guess there is only one way to settle this.” He exposes himself. “See…I’ve only got two.” But little Chavez is a shrewd bettor and replies, “Yes but how do I know you are not hiding one behind those two?” So Fidel wonders aloud, “What do you expect me to do to prove it?” To which Chavez replies, “Let me do a hand inspection just to be sure.” Fidel thinks for a second then smiles. “Yes! That would be just fine with me, my friend.” So little Chavez grabs Fidel by the testículos and feels around a bit. “Darn!” Chavez complains. “You only have two!” He turns to see his brother walking in with Raul and he motions them over as he realizes he’s still clasping Fidel. He pardons himself and releases Fidel as the two brothers walk up. “Give him the money.” Little Chavez orders his brother Hugo as Fidel takes it laughing. The Chavez brothers turn to leave the hotel. Fidel looks up at Raul who looks very pale and distant. Fidel laughing says, “That stupid little Chavez makes money placing bets but I can’t see how making dumb wagers like that. And why do you look so glum Raul? I just made 25 G’s! Perk up!” But a sullen Raul replies, “A month ago that swindler Hugo Chavez bet me $100,000 that his little brother would be in the Grand Ballroom of the Presidential Hotel in Havana today holding Fidel Castro by the cojones. ”

This Forgotten Moment in History has been brought to you by:

Tomas Estrada-Palma

Monday, September 25, 2006

Dr. Crook’s Amazing Island Medicine Show!

Dr. Crook’s

Amazing Island Medicine Show!

Announcing to the world! Medical treatments so revolutionary they are unbelievable! These procedures are not available anywhere else in the world and for good reason! Our doctors have been educated in the top socialist universities in Cuba and can cure virtually any and all diseases imagined. We can cure all forms of snakebites. If no snakes are available not to worry – we have plenty of snakes right here in Cuba! Have obesity? Not for long…! We guarantee the more time you spend in Cuba the thinner you will become! Even if you don’t have a disease, come to Cuba. We’ll find one for you. Cuba! Pioneers in developing the unique dengue fever aspirin treatment.

What’s the secret to Dr. Crook’s amazing island medical procedures? We can’t say…except to say that there is no illness that we can’t cure with enough hard currency. While in Cuba be sure to buy adequate supplies of Dr. Crook’s Amazing Socialist Elixir which our finest collectivist minds swear will cure:

Social Cancers
Blindness to Socialism’s Benefits
Steroid Athlete’s Foot
Socialist Scurvy
Havana Hemorrhoids
Excess Wealth
Hypochondria Deficit Syndrome
Excess Nutrition
Cerebral Over-Activity
Western Weak-Kneed Response
Capitalist Fever
Che Worship Deficiency Syndrome
Chavez Oral Diarrhea
S.T.D. Deficiency
Anti-communist Belly Aching

In fact, there is absolutely nothing that our doctors won’t swear they can’t cure with enough dollars. So bring your checkbook when you check in to one of our finer tourist hotels. Don’t worry about infecting the natives with your deadly diseases. We have already taken the precaution to quarantine Cuban citizens from Western patients. We don’t even allow them into the same areas as tourists – except for some of our young, female, health hospitality hostesses. They make sure that no matter how you feel you’ll want to come again and again.

Yes! Dr. Crook’s Amazing Island Medicine Show! Hurry, hurry, hurry and step right up folks! Who will be next to trust in our unbelievable socialist medicine? If you’ve got the dollars then it makes sense for us to treat you immediately no matter how well you are.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Got Dengue Fever

Got Dengue Fever

Sorry Havanaban…the dengue fever story has gotten out. The following is a collection of stories about just that plus some demonstrating the regime’s shyness regarding letting the world know about their poverty induced epidemics. There is even a story with Fidel claiming final victory over dengue. This is interesting because now the Havanaban say they are going to hunt down the mosquitoes one by one. Interesting concept…

“Be wary, wary qwiet. I huntin’ wabbit…ahhhh - I mean wittle, wittle bwack muah-skwittoes. Heh, heh, heh, hed. – Wahul Elmer Fudd Cwastoowoe, fearwiss hunter and sociowist weeder

Make sure these links get looked at by as many travelers as possible. We need to stick a dagger in the heart of this upcoming tourist season. Their economy is always on the edge. Help me give it a shove mates!

Dengue Fever Story Links

Here these links show the regime doesn’t even like to admit there IS an infection:

Here Castro has claimed victory before against dengue fever:

I am not certain where these stories might take us and our cause but you guys were the ones who broke the news and got these “mainstream media” outlets to take a closer look. My hat is off to you for your effort. Tomorrow I begin my campaign against the medical tourist's dollars.

Tomas Estrada-Palma

Cuban Economic Reform