Friday, February 02, 2007

Happily Married Man

Happily Married Man

Attention Cuban gentlemen in Cuba who have reached the age of legal consent. Never underestimate the benefits of a comfortable married life. Tomas Estrada-Palma has now been married more than 20 years with no negative side-effects. As a single man I was heading south fast and would clearly have been dead by now at the hands of my own wretched excess if not for my wife’s wisdom.

I always look for win/win situations. For example, in Cuba men lead a dreary dull life of privation where romance is difficult at best. In Washington, DC there is a large deficit of eligible men especially over 45 in relation to single women. And look here guys…these are some really hot looking ladies who work at high paying jobs and own their own homes too. What they are looking for, number one, is a REAL man. Let’s see – hot Latino dude in Havana…it could work! Washington, DC has a large gay population so this cuts the lady’s chances even further. There’s lots of false advertising by really good looking men who aren’t really looking – for a lady. The women want a man who looks good and watches his weight. Hell, gentlemen…in Havana Fidel has done that for you! I don’t see many Cuban fatso's down there (except in high government positions) and that’s just fine with the ladies here. Besides being a man motivated in the bedroom, the Washington lady is looking for a man who can be helpful around the house. We all know Cuban men do incredible things to get by in socialist deprived Cuba. Cubanos, the second you say “I do” you WILL have your choice of 10 Home Depots within a five square mile area that carry virtually EVERYTHING imaginable for home repairs. Plus, not only will you get off on doing the shopping in stores stocked with more food than you have ever seen in your entire life, I feel certain that you will also take out the garbage for the little lady just to make sure nothing important gets thrown out. Old habits die hard! However, please don’t underestimate the importance of these two tasks to American ladies. As it is now they can’t find a single man to do these tasks and it is a bone of contention, believe you me, right up there with felony leaving the toilet seat up. Finally, the American woman is desperate for a man who can fix her car. The Cuban man as we know is a desperate man for a car to fix!

Do you see where I’m going gentlemen? Sure I’ll admit that this is really just another clever, sneaky ploy on my part to undermine the Castro boys' grip on Cuba. But who cares when love is in the air? Valentine’s Day fast approaches. Use the Massage function to the right to advertise for a lady. Any Cuban gentlemen who does so will be put in touch with Washington women. All I expect for this personal service is for a few of your kids to be named “Tomas.” Is that too much to ask?

Tomás Estrada-Palma

2 Comments:

Blogger spiritdancer said...

You are so funny. Let me leave my list now.
1. I am single - Oregon
2.who said any one would want to marry someone from Washington D.C.
3. I dated a Cuban that been here in America to long- He think he a player. So, I don't need a player who unfaithful and think he all that.
4. How about a conversation for God sake, sex is only good so far, you need to have a personality.
5. Not all women in America, have money or a home, different values and vision
6. Educations is important to me.
I love you Tomás I had to do this. helping Washington D.C. out when us women out here in Oregon are all alone, where there are no men at all.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Tomas said...

Look here Cuban men! This incredible woman and she's available too. You better start lining up fast. This lady is not going to last very long...I can promise you that.

9:17 PM  

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