Dr. Crook’s Amazing Island Medicine Show!

Dr. Crook’s

Amazing Island Medicine Show!

Announcing to the world! Medical treatments so revolutionary they are unbelievable! These procedures are not available anywhere else in the world and for good reason! Our doctors have been educated in the top socialist universities in Cuba and can cure virtually any and all diseases imagined. We can cure all forms of snakebites. If no snakes are available not to worry – we have plenty of snakes right here in Cuba! Have obesity? Not for long…! We guarantee the more time you spend in Cuba the thinner you will become! Even if you don’t have a disease, come to Cuba. We’ll find one for you. Cuba! Pioneers in developing the unique dengue fever aspirin treatment.

What’s the secret to Dr. Crook’s amazing island medical procedures? We can’t say…except to say that there is no illness that we can’t cure with enough hard currency. While in Cuba be sure to buy adequate supplies of Dr. Crook’s Amazing Socialist Elixir which our finest collectivist minds swear will cure:

Social Cancers
Blindness to Socialism’s Benefits
Steroid Athlete’s Foot
Socialist Scurvy
Havana Hemorrhoids
Excess Wealth
Hypochondria Deficit Syndrome
Excess Nutrition
Cerebral Over-Activity
Western Weak-Kneed Response
Capitalist Fever
Che Worship Deficiency Syndrome
Chavez Oral Diarrhea
S.T.D. Deficiency
Anti-communist Belly Aching

In fact, there is absolutely nothing that our doctors won’t swear they can’t cure with enough dollars. So bring your checkbook when you check in to one of our finer tourist hotels. Don’t worry about infecting the natives with your deadly diseases. We have already taken the precaution to quarantine Cuban citizens from Western patients. We don’t even allow them into the same areas as tourists – except for some of our young, female, health hospitality hostesses. They make sure that no matter how you feel you’ll want to come again and again.

Yes! Dr. Crook’s Amazing Island Medicine Show! Hurry, hurry, hurry and step right up folks! Who will be next to trust in our unbelievable socialist medicine? If you’ve got the dollars then it makes sense for us to treat you immediately no matter how well you are.