An Interview With Kofi Annan

An Interview With Kofi Annan

Tomas:
Good day Mr. Secretary General.

Kofi Annan:
Good day to you as well Tomas. Thank you for having me here.

Tomas:
Mr. Secretary General, how was your trip to Cuba?

Kofi Annan:
Oh I must say it was quite nice. The food was absolutely incredible. Really 5-star. The Presidential Hotel can actually whip up a nice lobster with truffle sauce – I must say.

Tomas:
Yes, that’s interesting Mr. Secretary General but I wanted to speak about some more serious issues today.

Kofi Annan:
Well yes of course I’d be happy to address these questions as well. It is true there is casino gambling now in Cuba and even some prostitution but it is kept at a tasteful level you see. But the people are forbidden to engage in these endeavors so I’ve been told it does not compromise their revolution here. But on the positive side the rates are very, very cheap or ah…this is what I have been told…I may have heard around the office by some of the single fellows you know. Ha, ha, ha.

Tomas:
I see Mr. Secretary but I was wondering why you did not meet with any of the Cuban dissidents here on the island or their family members?

Kofi Annan:
That’s an odd question for a travel magazine to ask. What was the name of your publication again?

Tomas:
No Mr. Annan, I’m not from a travel magazine. I’m related to Don Tomas the first...

Kofi Annan:
That’s it! Don Tomas…that’s the name of your magazine. I recall now my secretary mentioning it to me in her memo. Don Tomas, something to do with Latin American tourism right?

Tomas:

No ah. No sir, Mr. Secretary General. Don Tomas Estrada-Palma was the first president of Cuba.

Kofi Annan:

Then why did they name a magazine after him?

Tomas:

No sir they didn’t. He was my great grandfather. I have an online blog.

Kofi Annan:
Ahhhh! I see! I see! And that is why they probably call you Tomas.

Tomas:
Yes Mr. Secretary…that’s correct. But about the dissidents?

Kofi Annan:
Yes, yes they were on my agenda to pay my respects. Like my secretary which I will do likewise once I get back to my office in New York!!! So you are not with any travel magazine then?

Tomas:
No sir. But about the dissidents. You say they were on your agenda but still you did not visit them. Why sir?

Kofi Annan:
Well you must realize that I have a very tight agenda you know. In fact I am running a bit late for my hair appointments. If you are not with the magazine then I probably will not be getting any frequent flyer mile for this interview?

Tomas:
That’s correct sir. I don't have any frequent flyer miles to give you.

Kofi Annan:
Dammit to hell! I am going to kill that secretary of mine! What a pea brain she has. Sure! An excellent rear end but the brain cannot be larger than a pea. A little green pea!

Tomas:
About the dissidents Mr. Secretary?

Kofi Annan:
Oh yes, yes, yes. ..the dissidents. As I said I had planned to go. But my car is in the shop. And you know how hard it is to get parts here in Havana. They have to be hand made evidently. I believe it is some sort of custom here. Very quaint isn’t it? Just like my secretary, quaint with very succulent breasts BUT NO BRAIN!!!

Tomas:
I’m sorry about that Mr. Secretary but dissidents are tortured, starved, denied medication and forced to live in squalor. Couldn’t you have set aside a little time for them? You visited Fidel for an hour and he can’t even talk properly now.

Kofi Annan:
Yes, yes but beside my car being in the shop I got ah……some ah….athletes foot! Yes sir Tomas. Athletes’ foot. It’s aggravated by the humidity here you know?

Tomas:
But these poor prisoners have only expressed opinions and never harmed anyone. You couldn’t even spare a few minutes with them?

Kofi Annan:
I really wanted to but this is a particularly aggressive strain of athletes’ foot. I’m afraid if I would have walked on it…it might have turned septic – gangrenous even! So as you can see Tomas…how would it look then.

Tomas:
I suppose you would look pretty lame.

Kofi Annan:
Exactly Tomas now I must be off for that hair appointment.