Monday, February 26, 2007

Thomas Cook Cuba Tourism Guide

Thomas Cook Cuba Tourism Guide

In order to increase the chances for a successful holiday we have compiled this brief guide that travelers to Cuba should incorporate into their plans.

  1. See a travel doctor to get necessary immunizations, malaria pills and vital health tips to avoid death and disease while on holiday to Cuba.
  2. Bring plenty of DEET mosquito spray, mosquito netting to sleep safely and be wary of getting any insect bites while in Cuba.
  3. Never eat while in Cuba because islanders no longer welcome you and will dose your food will many unpleasant and dangerous things. Consider dieting while on holiday in Cuba. Most of the natives are doing so apparently.
  4. Bring plenty of disinfectant to spray all living quarter space especially your bed to kill bed bugs and fungus. The last tourist used the same unwashed sheets so they might have been infected with something. You don’t want to catch it.
  5. Never drink any fluids while in Cuba that do not come out of a tamper proof bottle – opened by you.
  6. Don’t do anything in private while in Cuba – unless the notion of starring in a porno sort of intrigues you. Assume you are being video taped at all times.
  7. Do not require medical attention while in Cuba. Cuban medical personnel like doctors and nurses are paid fifty cents a day and have found a way to vent their anger – dirty scalpels. Ask Fidel if he can still speak…
  8. Do not die while in Cuba. If you meet this unfortunate fate you should not expect to arrive home with all organs intact. The Cuban government will harvest them. (see the whole story here)

Following our eight vital guidelines for safe holiday travel to Cuba will assure your best chance to get what you deserve while on vacation. Thomas Cook and Raul Castro are working together to make that happen

Yours truly,

Manny Fontenla-Novoa

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