Information

Information

Before you read the Want Ad that follows this post, I need to give you an idea of what we are looking for. That’s because the word “spy” is such an ugly word. Don’t you think? We wouldn’t want you to do anything mean or unprincipled. We’re just trying to give you a way out with dignity. Things are changing and it is happening faster than even I could have imagined. For example, in the past Che shirts were everywhere and widely for sale. But Che is dead and the only people who speak of him now are his victims’ friends and their family. Target pulled his image in 24 hours flat. This is what awaits Fidel upon his death.

I warned you that you would suffer a series of plagues until things changed and perhaps you believe me now. More plagues are coming. Soon we will make dealing with the Cuban government a politically incorrect evil thing to do. We will continue to smuggle electronics into Cuba. We already have and will continue to do so. It is getting easier all the time. Your infrastructure is crumbling around you. Your citizens are in desperate need of basic provisions and adequate medical care. Heck, even Fidel had to send out for some carry-out Spanish medicine. He talks a good game about a socialist revolution but all the while he is the biggest capitalist dog on the island.

So you owe him nothing especially not respect or loyalty. He has destroyed your nation and impoverished the Cuban people. He has murdered so many and injured the very soul of an entire island of wonderful people – you included. I don’t want you to die, get hurt or into trouble. I just want information from the island to help expose this despot for what he is and I need as much help as I can get. And you won’t be alone there even as I write this plea. There will be two kinds of information:

1. Information for only the top most trusted leaders in exile. This information would compromise you if it were released so you have my word we will not release it until you say it is alright.
2. The other type of information is the things that you authorize to be released.

Upon first contact we will give you a code name but the information anyone releases will be said to come from an anonymous source. But after we have pushed the Castro boys out of power we will use those code names to greatly reward you and one day give you the ceremonial salute from your grateful countrymen. I repeat – I will not compromise you. You call the shots. Tell us about Fidel’s heath, Raul’s weaknesses for booze and boys, the condition and whereabouts of dissidents, the names of the goon squad members so we can publish their identity and air them on our radio show as a warning that we know who they are and that THEY will be punished and everything and anything truthful that will expose this regime for what it is.

Finally, our current agents should contact us regularly even if you have no news. Let us know about you and that you are safe. We really do care about you.

Tomás Estrada-Palma